Hello my friends and followers! Thank you for being patient while I took some time off. It had been a time of reflection, and hills and valleys. I’m not sure why we expect that we shouldn’t have any, but we seem to think we shouldn’t. We think, I should not lose a child, or a spouse. I should not have lost my job, or my home. Why would God allow this to happen? Why didn’t I take a different road and I could have avoided the accident? Or, I should have stayed home. Why didn’t I question doctors more about what I was seeing? Oh the questions we can ask God. We even blame Him! But He said we would have trials and hardships. Did we not believe that part? Or did we just think it would’t happen to us?
I have lived through many of the above, and even more trials than that. I may feel angry and confused initially, but I eventually talk it out with God and I slowly gain some perspective. It doesn’t do me any good to do otherwise; not healthy for me, not healthy for those around me.
So… I will share with you some of my latest bumps in the road. I think transparency can help someone out there that needs some encouragement or just someone who can walk along side with understanding.
About five years ago, give or take, I had bilateral knee replacement. I have shared a little about that in earlier posts. One of the side effects of that is that I lost a lot of hair. A lot. Some of it grew back but I continued to lose hair and have to this day. That’s number one. Then, for the last two years, I have had a problem with pores on my nose that have bled. My doctor then told me it was enlarged pores. She cauterized the spot and I was clear for a while. But over the last year and a half or more, that area would heal and the flare up again. I knew something wasn’t right. Since we have moved, I have a new doctor, and I asked her about it. I had two spots of concern. She sent me to a dermatologist.
Fast forward to today. Updated prognosis: I have hair loss that won’t grow back without treatment; that may or may not, work. However, we will try and see if my body will tolerate it. Otherwise, I will keep losing it, starting with the front and moving back. This is caused by a autoimmune problem in my body. If this doesn’t work, I was told wigs are possible or I can just let it be. Really? Thanks from a person that has great hair. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bald by any means but I have gotten so styling my car to cover those places gets harder and harder. As for the spot on my nose? I have basal cell carcinoma on the front spot, and now must go through Mohs surgery, which is taking off think layers of the skin, analyze it, and keep taking layers until you get skin clear of cancer. Having this on my nose is kind of a concern because there isn’t that much there. (The spot in the back was ok and removed). Where do I go with all that? I have had so many surgeries, that facing even a small one again makes me cringe. With that said, I had to have some conversations with God today because to be honest, I was kind of ticked. I take very good care of my skin and have always used good skincare. However, after some arguing with myself, I finally had to ask myself a question…”Do I trust God with everything in my life? Whether its the bumps in the road, or the mountain top highs, will I trust Him?” The wonderful up??? A 22 year answer to prayer that happened just a few days ago. Do you think that was to encourage me for the road ahead…today? It certainly was one of my highs!!
Do I look at what is happening and not be reminded that along with the highs can come the lows? Is He not with me no matter where I am, and what my circumstances are? Of course He is. So… this is just one more opportunity for me to build up my faith and trust in God. Once again, He is with me on this road too. As I wait for a call for the Mohs surgery, I will pray my way through it, and trust Him for what He has for me. I don’t have a choice if I believe what He says is true in His Word. He tells me that He will never leave me or forsake me. So thank you Jesus for the reminder today. You are my mainstay…no matter what.
Do you have some big hill, or maybe a mountain, before you that you feel like you can’t climb? Do you feel like you are climbing and getting nowhere? Or, maybe you feel like you have been around this mountain before? Then, I would suggest you do what I did today. Take it to Jesus. Lay it all before Him; the fear, anger, loneliness, hurt, or anything that might keep you from relationship with Him and trusting that He has got you in the palm of His hand. He knows what you are thinking anyway, so you might as well be honest with Him. I did. I am taking Him at His Word and trusting Him with my future.
Will you? I truly hope that you have found comfort from my transparency with you. Look up.
Until next time…