A Slow Journey Back

Warning:  Some pictures are graphic.

I am back among the living…at least I think I am. I have been gone from my blog and normal life for almost six weeks as I underwent surgery. I had bilateral knee replacement, and for a simpler version of that statement, I had total knee replacement on both knees at the same time. Many people ask me if I would recommend it. In fact, that is the first question they usually ask me. My answer is still out on that. I know for me, I did it because I don’t like hospitals and all that goes with it, so I knew I wouldn’t want to come back again to get the second one done. I will tell you it’s not easy and one of the hardest journeys I have taken in a long while.

When you are in this situation, you really have to learn to live with yourself. You have only yourself, your brain, and what you are thinking all the time. I was most fortunate to have a husband that stood by me the whole time. He took time off of work to be with me in the hospital everyday, then when we got home, he took care of me in the day and through the night; eventually doing that and working too. He was a great house husband too!  God knows what we need.  However, as you know you talk to yourself non-stop all day long and I found that what I was saying certainly didn’t line up with what I was praying.  Oops!!  Not good.  You see, I also had a lot of blood loss, and so I had to have transfusions to even get me to a place that I had enough energy to get myself up out of the bed.  And then I had to have it a second time, and I got a reaction so the last half was not administered.  So my recovery was very slow.  I remember one time thinking that people would say of me, “She came in for knee replacements, but didn’t come home.”  Now WHERE did THAT thought come from?  To give even a second thought to that was to allow the devil free rein in my thinking, and that just wasn’t going to happen.  I may FEEL like I’m going nowhere fast, but I wasn’t going to give in to it.  The night hours were the worst when you can’t sleep and satan tries to fill your mind with defeat.  I would call the nurse and get up! I would walk to the bathroom and walk back to the bed.  I would tell myself, “I was making progress, no matter how slow it may look, I wasn’t destined to be this way forever.  It will change.”  I was blessed to have my sweetie there all day telling me that I could do it.  To say that it was a humbling experience, it to put it mildly.  He became my nurse.  I believe with all my heart, that I am where I am today because of the prayers of faithful friends and family who covered me daily in prayer.  I had circles upon circles prayed around me!  Does that mean that I still don’t have times of discouragement? Nope. I still can have that feeling at times when I want to do something that just doesn’t work too well for me right now.  But, then I have to remember where I came FROM, and then I am thankful I have come this far.

My experience is not your experience so if you are looking to this in YOUR future, I would say, have a GREAT doctor (do your research), and prepare yourself ahead of time for what you need to do.  He is faithful.  I walked from the very beginning with a walker, but only for a couple of weeks.  Then it was a cane, and the last couple of weeks, I have walked on my own without assistance from either.  I would say that is a good track record, and my healing WILL be complete.  Is it over?  No.  I still have pain and discomfort.  But I can now do other things to help with that. I am even down to my last three visits of PT.  Yay!  But I still have to discipline myself to do it on my own.  See?  We are required to do our part.

Lessons?

• Trust. Trust. Trust.
• Don’t listen to the wrong voice in your ear.
• God will use circumstances and people around you to bless you and lift you up.
• The end of something is always better than the beginning. Always…because we have learned.
• I learned I have an inner strength given to me by God that keeps me going no matter what.
• Have a grateful heart for everything; that included my physical therapy. Yuck…
• I am required to do my part.

This is only one snap shot of my life. I will likely have many more, and maybe some that will be harder than this to make it through.  But I know where my strength comes from, so I can look to the future with hope!  I’m happy to answer any questions if you leave them in the comments.

Walking, yes walking…the journey with you.